It's Not You
"It's not you; it's me."
Okay, maybe sometimes it is you, in which case you should reflect on yourself and decide whether or not you want to change whatever it is about you.
But sometimes, it really isn't you.
I had, I suppose you can call it an incident, with one of my friends a few months ago. Ever since, that friend and friend group have seemed to stop reaching out to me.
I'm not sure why my brain decided to think about this today, but I feel like I need to write this out now.
A few months ago, one of my friend groups seemed to have completely ghosted me and made no more effort to reach out. To be fair, I haven't been active with this group as much as I used to be. They spend most of their days gaming, and unfortunately, for the sake of my own happiness, that was something I had to give up doing often.
To their defense, they often made efforts to reach out in the past, as did I. However, it all seemed to stop after this one incident.
I started making video games rather than playing them, and invited them to work on a game with me. Only one took up my offer, but perhaps he wasn't quite ready for the work involved.
After brainstorming our game idea, he and another friend agreed to do the programming. I warned them their idea might be a little too ambitious if they didn't have a lot of experience. When starting out with video games, you want to start with something small and easy, but their idea required more research than ideal. They seemed confident that they'll be able to figure it out, so I agreed to let them go through with in.
The following weeks - radio silence. I pinged the both of them and told them if the task was too difficult, to just let me know so I can work on the programming myself. I said this very nicely and was basically offering them an out on the project, by the way. After all, I know what it's like to bite off more than you can chew. Their response? Silence.
Thus, I completed the project myself. Well, practically by myself. Max helped with the music. I was actually quite proud of having done so, but I couldn't help but feel upset that my friends didn't bother to reply to my attempts at communication.
One friend eventually did apologize for what happened after I reached out, but other friend from my gaming group was just... gone.
Despite what happened, it was water under the bridge for me, or so I thought. I'd bought a tabletop game, Kingdom Death Monster, that my gaming friend introduced me to after two years of wanting to buy it. Sent a snapchat to him of it. Crickets.
I'm not sure if he blocked me on Snapchat or just deleted his account perhaps. Maybe I should have just reached out on Discord and message him, but I couldn't help but feel like my presence would be unwelcomed. After all, it's odd that all of them stopped reaching out.
Did I do something wrong? Are they talking shit about me? Did they feel like I abandoned them for another group of friends? What did I do??
Max was the one who helped me come to terms with it all. Sometimes you didn't do anything wrong, and this isn't on you. Sometimes, other people have their own issues to work out themselves, and their actions towards you do not necessarily mean there is any fault with you. It's only natural to blame yourself.
It isn't you.
I suppose this is one of those times where people just grow apart. Sometimes, it isn't worth the mental energy to salvage a friendship. Reflect on it. Learn from it, if possible. Cherish the memories because there were good times. In the end, accept reality for what it is, and just flow with it.